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Stressed....

February 1st, 2019 at 02:09 pm

Money comes and goes. Lately it seems that more goes than comes. I have tried various ways to budget and track spending. I just can't seem to make anything really work for me. (Yes, I have tried YNAB and EveryDollar.)

Right now, I have an excel spreadsheet that I track income and deduct monthly bills. If we don't overspend, we have a small surplus. But something always seems to come up. I budget on 2 paychecks per month and don't include unplanned extra income. Unplanned extra income means expense check surplus from my work travel and any amount over $500/bi-weekly pay check for my husband. He works an hourly paid job at a big box store so work hours vary each week and pay period (some weeks he gets 20 hours and some weeks he gets over 30 hours).

The way the budget is set up, we are living on last month's income and I automatically put money into savings (a little, but still). I rarely have to transfer money from savings into checking to pay bills. But I am still stressed on squeezing out more savings....or providing extras for my family.

We don't carry a credit card balance and we use the credit card for everything. It helps me track spending but when you get a $5,000 credit card bill, it takes my breath away. I have talked to my husband about paying cash but we both are uncomfortable carrying large cash amounts around. I get uneasy if I have more than $50 in my wallet.

I'm stressing over money because I wonder how we could afford to live if we were to separate. At 15 years, our marriage is stressed and we are functioning more as roommates. I keep dreaming about divorcing. Clearly, based on income, I would have to pay some sort of support should we divorce. Life would definitely have to downsize. I need to put my "big girl pants on" and have a serious conversation with my husband. But, I am afraid of the outcome.

I don't know what to do. I don't know if I feel this way because of horrible menopause or if I have really fallen out of love for my husband. I need to pray on this....

I am sad. I am stressed. I continue to function...

Sorry y'all...this money blog has turned out to be more therapy.....next one will be better....

Posted in Other thoughts | 5 Comments »

5 Responses to “Stressed....”

  1. creditcardfree Says:
    February 1st, 2019 at 03:06 pm 1549033601
    1549033601

    Relationship stress is no fun! A conversation with each other is a good place to start. You might also consider couples counseling even if you end up divorcing, it will help both of you work through how you got where you are. You can also go alone to someone who could help you process your feelings.

  2. Carol Says:
    February 1st, 2019 at 08:14 pm 1549052044
    1549052044

    While I agree with CCF, I want to add that sometimes, for rough patches, give yourself some time to see. For instance, say to yourself, I won't think about divorce for a year, then , if necessary, I will think about it. Meanwhile follow CCF's advice.That way menopause or whatever had a chance to subside and not interfere with your thinking.

  3. CB in the City Says:
    February 2nd, 2019 at 01:26 am 1549070797
    1549070797

    As a divorcee, I would advise you not to give up on a marriage too quickly. I don't know the details, of course, but I do know that divorce is no panacea. Couples counseling is a good idea, and so is Carol's suggestion to give it some time. Marriages never maintain the romance of the early years, but they can turn into something deeper and more fulfilling with good communication and honest effort. I wish you the best of luck on this journey.

  4. mumof2 Says:
    February 2nd, 2019 at 02:03 am 1549073009
    1549073009

    one thing we did was have a written budget on what we KNOW will come in each month...and then we also started an ice acct (in case of emergency) that we usually have around $2000 but then you know what money is coming in and going out...we also have a bill acct that we put or bill money into like ins etc that comes up yearly etc...but we know exactly what is in our budget and what needs to be paid when...we also use cash for gas and groceries once its gone its gone...as for the marriage don't rush into anything if you can sit down together and work through the financial things which sound like it is one of the bif stressors then things might work out...I wish you the best..it didn't take over night to get to this point and it wont take overnight to get out of it...best of luck

  5. rob62521 Says:
    February 2nd, 2019 at 08:17 pm 1549138639
    1549138639

    So much sage advice here. Sadly movies and books often make marriage to be one big romantic thing. Sadly, day to day life isn't like that. I concur that counseling would be a good idea. Even if you just go alone to get your feelings out. If money is stressing you, this may be part of why you are so unhappy. And finance is a big part of why many marriages don't last. Hang in there. It sounds like you are doing a good job trying to get your finances under control.

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